Self portrait Tuesday

Spt_10jan06_1

This picture would have been taken around 1977/78 and is very accurate in showing how I feel I fit in my family (I have no idea who took the pic). I’ve always felt separate, which isn’t a bad thing, just different. We had moved back down to Perth from living in a closed mining community in the north of Western Australia. We’d left for not very happy reasons I won’t publicise here. I’m the one at the rear. My parents were very young when they had me, 18 and 21, I’m the oldest by 3 years. I don’t talk about family here and they don’t know about my blog. Dishonest? I’m not sure, I just like to keep it to myself. I feel the need to set boundaries.

When I saw the subject for this month’s SPT it gave me immediate mixed emotions, guilt being the first, then a little fear and a feeling of sadness. Family is so complicated, well mine is and isn’t. I guess it’s as complicated as we choose to make it. I’m realising this more and more. I’m learning to be accepting, less judgemental and sensitive and to not be forced into a specific role. Everyone has a role in their family and sometimes it works for you and often it doesn’t. So I try to just take it all at face value and not remember the past and just be present when I see them. I know they love me and I them.

Blog and Flickr.

14 thoughts on “Self portrait Tuesday

  1. lisa s says:

    great words to live by….
    i also just love how things in the photo match – your shirt to your mom’s [super cool] outfit and the surrounding nature…. your shorts to your sister’s shorts…..

    Like

  2. Laura says:

    Considering your feelings of separation from your family, it’s nice that you have this photo. I’ve said it before “it’s amazing the different things that people see in a single photo.” It looks like a beautiful shot that you might find in a magazine or in a picture frame for sale.

    Like

  3. amanda says:

    thanks so much for sharing this photo and these words, Nicole. They’re quite honest and real. I struggled too, when hearing this month’s SPT theme. It’s difficult for me to be ‘real’ about my history when, unfortunately, my family does read my blog (they found it). I love that you have this space ‘free’ for you…boundaries. gotta have ’em.

    Like

  4. Catherine says:

    I’m totally the same – my family dont know I blog either, except my neice who found it by googling my name *sigh*
    And there I was thinking I was the only one… 🙂

    Like

  5. kelly says:

    amazing how a simple snapshot can evoke such complex memories and feelings… the only one in my family who reads my blog is the hubby – and he’s pretty safe!

    Like

  6. Ky says:

    this post resonated with me for so many reasons, most particularly your perspective on your family….i, too, maintain my site as “my space,” not a single family member knows of it……i just have not had the bravery to express my boundaries….thank you for sharing so honestly =)

    Like

  7. Ampersandduck says:

    Ahh, that’s what blogs are for. Reinventing and reclaiming space. Great photo. Love that 70s Kodak feel. All mine are losing their colour, which is really sad. Keep up the good work!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s