they weren’t made for THAT

Why is it that no matter how old you get you still feel 5 when you fall over? I’m not talking about tripping, I’m talking about ass over tit full throttle splat face first on the ground, or in this case tit first. The kind of fall where you’re in pain, but the first thought that enters your adult mind as you quickly glance around, whilst still on your front on the ground is "who saw that?".

Yep, this morning I walked out of the corner deli with my morning muffin (raspberry and white choc for those detail mongers), and became airborne as I walked back outside. Now I didn’t just trip, ooh no, I did a spectacular fly through the air, palms out and landed on my front via my knees, palms and my DD RIGHT BREAST! I actually felt myself BOUNCE on my breast, yes quite an odd sensation for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure. The muffin? Well that was in my left palm and I also felt that squish under my hand, as you can see it come out of it pretty well.


So I quickly scurried to my feet and hobbled back to work. First thing I do, ring my buddy Al M and tell her the story. Al’s used to me doing clumsy stuff. I’m clumsy, even more so when I’m premenstral. By the end of the story we’re both pissing ourselves and I’m crying laughing, you know when you’re in pain but it’s funny but it’s not, sort of crying laughing. Craughing. I hang up and think, I won’t fess up to anyone at the office, but oh no, first thing out of my mouth talking to the studio, "guess what just happened to me". They’re laughing too and smirking at me when I walk past them, gotta love it.

I still cannot get over the sensation of my body bouncing on my right breast, odd, just plain odd.

27 thoughts on “they weren’t made for THAT

  1. Alison says:

    So glad that you decided to share this with everyone – I would have felt selfish had I been the only one who was privy to this hilarious story! I hope your boob is OK! πŸ˜‰ (and of course a bonus that the muffin came out still edible).


  2. Nicole says:

    Alison – we aim to amuse πŸ˜‰
    Nichola & Sarah – yeah, sore neck, back, bruised knees and sore right tit πŸ™‚ oh and bruised ego πŸ˜‰
    Lina – my pleasure
    Miss Dot – YES πŸ™‚ LOL Cake, yep


  3. Shula says:

    I stopped on the stairs last week, deep in thought, and when I came to, stepped out into mid air and came crashing 3 steps to the bottom on the tiles, straight out of a Buster Keaton movie.
    No DD for me, mate, fell straight onto my flat-chested face. Only the dog was there to witness, but even then I was still embarassed.
    Pre-menstrual, gets me every time.


  4. Rachel says:

    I have fallen down the stairs of every school I’ve attended and house I’ve lived in. I save my most spectacular wipe outs for the office for some reason. Nothing like humiliating yourself in front of a crowd of bemused people that can then remind you of the incident – again and again. Here’s to clutzes! Some of us busty than others. πŸ™‚


  5. Alison says:

    And then you though – why not blog about it to the entire world!!!!!!!!! Ahh well Miss Nic – pregnant belly clumsiness happens too believe me :)) And that HURTS.


  6. lisa s says:

    now if ONLY i had big enough boobs to protect me…. i would have lost a tooth for sure!
    and FYI hubby has saved me from many a close call splat on my face falls. i’m always looking up and around and i have a very lazy left foot that insists on kind of slinking along….


  7. Dacia says:

    oh, sad! i watched a lady bite it in the middle of 5th ave. and 18th st. in NYC. she was very prim and proper with a chanel suit, and she just toppled over. her purse spilt, and she looked so mortified. it’s really an awful thing, and i’m not at all sure why. why is it?


  8. Linda says:

    Yes, us clumsy people learn fast to make jokes – plua let everyone know. Even though I am post – menopasual, I fall frequently. For me, I seem to always fall on the same knee -so then I am limping around for a few days. The scary thing is that I have more trouble getting off the ground. One day I will be the o”old woman” on the floor saying “Help, I have fallen and I can not get up”. Thank you for the laugh. Linda


  9. Susan says:

    I read and I laughed. I am so sorry. I just had a good tumble down a flight of stairs in front of a bunch of college freshmen. I have documented the changes in my butt bruises on my digital camera but won’t post them anytime soon.


  10. Catherine Witherell says:

    New word “craughing” Priceless! I hope they put it in the dictionary because we all know the feeling. I say it again, “YOU, are so funny!” Love your perspective, love to come here, wait while you are gone. Can’t wait to see what you say next. Plus, I think my writing might be getting a little more interesting. Hoping you rub off on me some more. Your fan Catherine


  11. Zabrina says:

    Oh sorry, but it’s funny! Happened to me once, huge city, crowded street and “ploft”, and people looking at me and asking if I wanted some help…I’ve got so shy that I had to run away from that spot.


  12. Sue says:

    Well at least the muffin and your boob broke your fall. Only joking, I hope your okay. My mum actually fell on her face in Swanston Street on the tram tracks the other day and grazed all her face. I think you fared much better by the sounds of it.


  13. Kelli says:

    Oooh, that could explain a lot. I am regularly falling over. The muffin still looks yummy though!
    Hello! I missed you while I was gone and am happy to be back to the blogging and blog-reading world.


  14. sooz says:

    A few years ago I was hit by a guy riding a bike very fast the wrong way down a one way street. I too copped it right on the DD as I turned at the last moment to see him coming. I was knocked right to the ground (not as much bounce perhaps as I might have liked) and I had one sore tit for quite some time!


  15. Ailsa says:

    There’s another positive thing about having DD’s – they’re pnuematic! Loved the slapstick fullon fall over description, hope the shock-abxorbing boob isn’t too sore.


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