Creativity

Fishy_bead12

I think I’m about 2-3 weeks off from having the crafty room ready to go. Not that I’m counting or anything….much!

I have been knitting mainly, no sewing, I’m itching to sew. The Son and I went to the craft fair, picked up some booty from the Patchwork on Central Park stall. There were some great fabric stalls, but overall, same old stuff as last year and a little disappointing. Great review of the fair over at One Hour Craft. Son’s first experience and she handled it well. I put her onto the task of spotting knitted garments out of Feathers and other such gorgeous yarns (YES, I’m a yarn snob).

So…since I don’t really have anything crafty to share I’ll share another embarrassing story, it’s been a while since I’ve shared any quality stories with you all, last one was here.

OK. I’d been feeling unwell and tired. Yesterday The Son and I got home about 7.45pm. I needed to go to the toilet. I had gum in my mouth and as I was sitting on the throne I pulled off some toilet paper and put the gum in it. I don’t know what I was thinking, or not thinking. Finished my business pulled up my tracky pants and sauntered up the hall. As I was sitting there eating my dinner I’m thinking, that’s odd, I have a strange cool feeling in my bottom area, sort of like a cold menthol feeling. Nothing registers but I’m sitting there getting more and more curious and a little concerned and I don’t say anything. I finish dinner and go to the toilet to see what’s happening. As I try to pull the trackies down they stick to my bum, people, I must have been tired, I STILL don’t register that I have a wad of gum in my butt. The first thought that pops into my head is that someone broke into the house and put glue in my pants! YES, that is the thought, they didn’t steal anything, they broke in and put glue in my pants. I get the pants down and then realise my cheeks are stuck together…..with gum. At this point it registers and I am laughing, crying. I manage to make my way into the living room and show The Son. Who loses it, laughing and crying in hysterics. I say, can you please help me. So she spends the next 15 mins or so picking gum out of my butt….yes, very sexy. Yes, it hurt, especially where hair was involved.

Ummm, sorry no, no photos, I was asked by someone who’ll remain annonymous if I took photos. Don’t think it didn’t cross my mind…

Any of you guys got a story to match or beat that stupidity?! There’ll be a prize in it for the one I think’s the funniest.

The photo above, a slight distraction from the gum and me playing  with a little depth of field photography (thanks Miss Kate for the link)….taken at night but no flash, hence the photo has a little too much noise.

This picture is my giant apple container, it’s about 30cm tall and very cool. I saw it and had a complete irrational have to have it moment. Isn’t it beautiful.

Apple_container11

31 thoughts on “Creativity

  1. suse says:

    That fish’s expression says it all. Here comes crazy gum butt lady! Help me please …
    And no, I can’t beat that one. I do love coming here though. So edifying.

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  2. crumpet says:

    I just cried laughing.
    Especially at the bit where you thought someone had broken into your house to put glue in your pants. That’s just GOLD.

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  3. mj says:

    we call one of my friends sticky buns after a marshmallow fight where she sat on one in the couch and found one stuck in her butt. the sad thing was that she informed us right away but also again in the morning when she realized that she hadn’t originally gotten it all out.

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  4. suzy says:

    Ha! That is priceless, I can’t compete. And I agree, the thought of burglars wielding glue is the best bit.
    Love the apple container!

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  5. Clare says:

    I can get close, maybe. When in Italy, me and Badly Coloured Boy (BCB) were travelling THROUGH Milan on our way to Venice. BCB convinced me to stop off in Milan to visit the Alfa Romeo factory. Fine. We check our bags, and go tourist info to find out how to get there. Train to the end of the line, bus to connect to another bus, bus to the end of the line. Fine. We manage all that. Till the third bus… this bus is mighty empty. Just chuggin’ away down an empty freeway, outside of Milan (yeah, we left Milan well behind on the train)… Then it stops. In the middle of nowhere. I promise you. Just randomly on the side of this empty freeway in an industrial area. We are made to get off, and told the museum is ‘that way’ *vague hand waving* We walk. We keep walking. A million miles later we ask some factory workers (we’ve made it to an industrial area) where the factory is. “That way” *vague hand waving* Some couple of hours later, we arrive at a Very Large Car Factory. I am starving, hot, and grumpy. We ask the guy at the guardbooth where the museum is. “Inside.” Awesome! Or not. “The museum is closed for lunch. It reopens at two.” It’s midday. We are in outside a factory outside a village outside Milan. No lunch for us and no entrance. I glamourously sit down in the dirt and start to cry. Guardbooth man takes pity on BCB and tells us to go have lunch in the staff canteen. “They take cash”, he assures us. Yes, the staff take cash, but they haven’t seen it since about 1973. All workers and all official factory guests get issued lunch tokens. We hold up a massive queue of men in oily coveralls while every single lunchlady comes together and freaks out over our coins. Everyone gives us evils. And then I dropped my lunch on the floor (more almost tears). Lunch being done, the ‘highlight’ of the day was when I decided to go to the loo, just outside the canteen. I got locked in. I could NOT open the door for the life of me. There was no window, and no gaps around the cubicle walla. Cue the SERIOUS panicking. I start beating on the toilet door. After a good few minutes of hardcore kicking the door BCB tentatively calls from outside the Ladies’ “Is that you honey?” “YES! I’M LOCKED IN! HELP ME!” He kindly starts poking the doorhandle from outside my black-tiled death chamber. Until a nice Italian lady comes into the toilet. I hear this exchange: “Help! My girlfriend’s locked in the toilet! You have to get her out!” (in heavily accented English) “This is the girl’s toilet. You are not allowed in here. The man’s toilet is over there.” “nonono! You don’t understand! My girlfriend. Is stuck. In the toilet. Help!” *pause* “This the girl’s toilet. You are not allowed in here. The man’s toilet is over there.” At this point, apparently puzzled by BCB’s wild gesticulations, she merely *touched* the doorknob of my cubicle. The door sprang open, and while I leapt out, grasping my chance at freedom the Italian lady started shrieking apologies at having ‘interrupted’ me and tried to close the door on me again! Nothin’ doing’! I elbowed her out of the way and made my bid for freedom (sorry lady). The last we heard was her lonely, accented English “I don’t understand… I don’t understand”
    By that point the museum was open.
    (PS, is this the longest comment ever posted?)

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  6. Monica says:

    When one of my friends was 8 months pregnant she went into a major panic when she noticed a bit of blood in her underwear. She called the hospital and they said she might be spotting, and to come to the hospital straight away.
    It wasn’t until she got to the hospital that she realised that the “blood” was actually a melted red M&M that she dropped earlier in the day and couldn’t find. I’m not sure how she explained that one to the doctor!

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  7. nuttnbunny says:

    can’t. stop. laughing.
    Once wore a pair of pants 2 days in a row (I like to pack lightly on work trips) and had my “yesterday” underpants come out of the pant leg while walking down the hall in my office. Apparently, I pulled pants and underwear down in one fell swoop and neglected to separate them when I re-robed the following day.

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  8. Christina says:

    This reminded me of the time I was riding in the car with my friend Andrew. Someone in the car gave him an altoid mint but because we were headed to a restaurant to eat dinner he decided he wanted to save it for later. Instead of putting it in his pocket (because that would be dirty) he decided to stick it in his belly-button! He didn’t actually manage to leave it until after dinner since he hadn’t factored in the burning sensation from the menthol.
    Also, I love that green color behind your apple. Do you happen to remember the paint color? I’ve been struggling with finding a green like that for my living room. Thanks!

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  9. mo says:

    You are hilarious and gracious for not keeping that little gem to yourself. I have the odd stories of falling on my butt at inopportune times, and the one time my shirt tucked up under my backpack and I had white lycra on (it was a long time ago!) and my stripey underpants were there for all to see but I think the tingly menthol buttcrack takes the cake. I have to say though, that how great is it to be with someone who can share that with you and pick the bits out for you?

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  10. Rebecca says:

    oh my goodness, I still have tears running down my face – that story was hysterical!! I hope you’ve recovered 🙂 Good luck eating more gum in the future – it will be a nice story to giggle at each time you dispose of your gum! Love your blog too 🙂

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  11. Megann says:

    I usually just read without commenting, but that post was so funny I had to finally speak up. I nearly cried I was laughing so hard. Especially about the breaking-in-to-put-glue-in-your-pants as a plausible theory. That so sounds like something I would determine as the best possible explanation!

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  12. Hurrah! says:

    Play

    I haven’t had a chance to do much crafting this weekend – yet! – there’s still tomorrow… but I did do some clearing out of old clothes and things I don’t wear anymore or that shrank in the dryer… and

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  13. Rachel says:

    If there was an Oscars for bodily function stories, you would take home the statuettes, baby!
    It’s three am so I’ll leave myself open and vulnerable by telling my own
    embarrassing story. Last May, my friend took me to see Pearl Jam in concert. She gets amazing tickets through the fan club because she’s a long time member. At this show, we got front row tickets for the first time. During the show I said to her “This is so awesome. I think I peed my pants a litte.” This isa phrase that highly entertains me and it’s something I will often say at concerts. Later that night we checked into a hotel and as I was getting ready for bed I was shocked to find out I really HAD peed my pants a little. Not knowing what to do, I grabbed an empty single serving of cereal box, stuffed my panties inside and threw the box in the bottom of my suitcase. The next night, my fiancee decided to be nice and unpack my bag. All of a sudden I hear “Uh, WHAt is THIS?” as he holds the cereal box out, wrinkling his nose.
    I nonchalantly answered, “Oh, that’s just my underwear. Pearl Jam made me pee my pants a little.”
    He said, “Oh, okay” and took them off for fumigation.
    Thanks for telling us your cheeky story.

    Like

  14. Smirkle says:

    You didn’t even try to blow a bubble did you ?!? Shame on you !!!
    My favourite stupid moment.
    It was Winter and I was wearing a white skirt and a cute stripey top (yes I was a teenager which was why I was wearing a cute skirt and freezing)
    Anyhow, I was walking my dog across the wet road when my shoe slipped forwards. And kept slipping forwards. In fact it slipped so far forwards that I was doing the splits in the middle of the road at the bottom of a hill (believe me, this isn’t the funny bit)
    The funny bit is that my dog is trying to pull me across the road and I can’t move. And all I can think is. God I hope nobody see’s me. Followed quickly by OH MY GOD I might get run over.
    Sooo I let go of the dog leash. The dog runs off a million miles an hour up the street.
    Deal with one drama at a time thinks I.
    With a great lack of dignity I managed to get myself up off the road somehow. Luckily I hadn’t broken a hip or something.
    It taught me to wear shoes with grip in winter. Do not wear your lovely white girly shoes for to do so is at your own peril.

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  15. emma says:

    Ah now! I like the theory that someone had snuck in and stuck gum in your crack…..yes, an enlightening thought! Blesssssss! At least your buttocks were minty fresh, gotta be happy with that!
    em
    xx
    x

    Like

  16. clementine says:

    hee hee hee nice one boofhead.
    i think the most embarrassing story i’m inclined to share here is about the time i got locked inside one of my rather fastidious friends houses, and the bathroom was outside.
    I’d fallen asleep on his couch at a party (yes, i was ASLEEP not passed out!) and while i was asleep, all the revellers decided to go to the park, but they were worried about leaving the door unlocked while i was asleep.
    Being a bit tipsy, it did not occur to them that they would be locking me in and leaving me with NO IDEA where they were or when they would be back.
    I woke up some time later with an urgent need to pee, and could not, for the life of me open any of the doors or windows. No-one was answering their phones, so eventually i just decided to pee in a disposable cup/empty milk container etc. But my friend, being a bit of a neat freak, had emptied his bin before he left, and my only option was to pee in his kitchen sink.
    The worst part about it was that I didn’t tell him, until a few years later when I was (again) a bit drunk and said to him “hey, this is like the time I pissed in your sink! … oh, that’s right. I never told you!”… as he went completely white. hee hee. We’re still friends though— only cos I poured bleach down the sink afterwards! ha.

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