Today I finally admitted to myself it was time to go to the doctors about my depression. Having been on medication for over 5 years I’ve done pretty well, with one episode off meds and a crash, going back on meds and realising that I wasn’t controlling the depression when within 2 weeks I was feeling “good”. (Aside from the lovely libido killing side effects, which I’ve been told by my GP don’t exist, I think he should take it for six months or so, let’s see if he can perform!)
Depression is so insidious. It creeps up on you. Starting with negative thoughts, paranoia, insecurity, low self esteem and general “it’s all a bit too hard feelings”, topped off with feeling like crying for no apparent reason and often at inappropriate times. Can someone please invent an electronic device that monitors internal talk and can recognise the signs off depression and give a Lost in Space Robot warning, aka, “warning Will Robinson, warning, your feelings of paranoia, insecurity and negative thoughts are thru the roof, consult your GP or therapist now”…or something like that!
I realised that something was up when I started taking conversations with friends and work colleagues personally. It’s sooooo frustrating and I’m sure they’re thinking “what the fuck’s going on with her”. No amount of inner “it will be ok, just relax” talk can stop it.
It’s also difficult to talk about it with friends and family and even my partner. Mainly because unless they have first hand experienced it themselves they just don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, they have empathy etc but it’s so invisible that I’m sure they’re thinking “what’s the matter, stop being negative, get on with it”. Or maybe that’s just my paranoia talking. See what I mean!
So the short of it is, off to the doctor. Ick!
Great resource Beyond Blue.
I’ve had a crap day. Not a great way to start a post! Just one of those days. You know when something upsets you and you have no idea why, well maybe deep down you do but you don’t acknowledge it. Anyhow. I had one of those at work today.
On a brighter note, I’ve been planning my Secret Pal 2’s gifts and a schedule for what I’m sending out and when. I now need to make a few things for her!
I had one of those “ooh we’re at that stage in our relationship” experiences last night. In the past I’ve been asked why I don’t change the toilet roll after it’s finished. Yes, I’m lazy…anyhow, I’ve been making sure I do it, being considerate of my partner. Last night I was in the loo and went to use the paper and only 3 squares were left, now you can’t tell me that the last person who used the toilet (hi honey) didn’t notice this. It made me chuckle as I changed it.
I’m on my lunchbreak and being a new blogger am “obsessing” about what am I going to write about next etc and so on! So I thought I’d do a quick list of my weekend to see if I can stop thinking about it, it’s distracting!
– Finished knitting Shannon (strange name for a scarf, particularly when knitted for a man!) in Tamarind colourway from Jo Sharp’s Book Number Six, the Silk Road Ultra is a very lovely yarn.
– Started knitting Favourite from Jo Sharp 6 for my partner Chris, in Clinker colourway
– Made Jackie French’s apple chutney. Now just need to wait 3 months before trying it!
– Watched A Mighty Wind. Not as good as “Best in Show”, but still worth a DVD.
– Went to knitting circle.
– Had a girlfriend over for a craftfest of knitting and embroidering and quilt creation discussion.
– Caught up with a friend who just returned from a 6 week European vacation.
– Did some knitting on my scribble shawl. An example here at Knitty.
– Spent some more time looking at my new Amy Butler fabric’s from the Ginger Bliss range. Trying to decide what I shall do with it. I think a quilt is in order.
– Had yummy pancakes in bed on Saturday morning, made by Chris. Hmmmm! With maple syrup (NOT maple FLAVOURED syrup).
– Watched Australian Idol….I am such a sucker.
– Watched “The Alice”, pretty good. Knitting away at the same time.
– Read Michael Leunig’s “The Curly Pyjama Letters” for book club. I don’t quite get it, but I’m not a huge Leunig fan.
How excited am I?!! I read about the Secret Pal 2 at Heidi’s blog and it gave me the final push to start a blog. Today I checked my email and found I’d been assigned my Secret Pal 2. I’ve been reading their blog trying to figure out just what to surprise them with…. Thank you Heidi for organising this!
Went to knitting circle today. It’s run by my friend Emma, who was the person that got me hooked on knitting and started my general craft frenzy. A friend recently suggested that I have craft A.D.D. I don’t know that this is necessarily a bad thing?! Anyhow, Emma started me out and off I’ve been ever since. I’ve knitted scarfs, bags, a cardigan, a couple of jumpers and have about 8 UFO’s at present, much to her disgust.
Knitting circle is always fun. There are a core group and then we have new people coming and going which always makes it interesting. We rarely have anyone come along who knits with my definition of “crap” yarn ie Feathers!! I hate feathers. I know, hate is a strong word, but, hate it I do. It’s been suggested that at least it gets people into the craft, but I’m still not convinced. WHY would you want to wear a jumper knit from it is beyond me. It is a synthetic…….ie translates to very smelly underarms. Off my soap box. This is the last time I’ll mention it. All I’ll say is people, check out the amazing variety of natural fibre and mixed fibre yarns available and you will never knit with that crap again.
I’m getting there….slowly. I need time to design header and rest of look of blog. Emma and I had a knit together last night and started our Scribble Shawl from Debbie New’s Unexpected Knitting. It’s a lot of fun!! We’re knitting it in Hawthorn Cottage and Rowan Kid Silk Haze on our 12mm Addi Turbo circulars (they’ve got clear glittery tips that look like a sextoy, well so Emma reckons).
I’m one of those childless couples who has a pussy cat that they talk about too much! Introducing Spud…We got him from a cat haven. He’s lovely and lots of fun. He’s an indoor pussy cat. He goes outside on his harness and lead very regularly to munch on grass, as he’s doing in this picture.
Well, this is it! I’ve been ruminating for months….do a blog, don’t do a blog, why do a blog, why not do a blog. Sooo. My current thinking is yes, give it a go. I’m in the middle of customising the way it looks etc. I’m still unsure about what I’ll write about but I’ll just suck it and see.